Easter's over...now what?
The journey of questions and confusion are met with welcome in Jesus.
Easter’s over…now what?
As an adult, I never got the Easter hype. I knew I should be excited and cheerful, to the point where a church I once attended would blast confetti on Easter Sunday.
And yet over the last few years, between a pandemic, church hurt, and a couple of children, I’ve tried not to feign enthusiasm but bring my relative Easter best to church and give a sprinkle of truth to my kids.
It’s been a journey.
I think when my oldest was two, I was thinking of all the things I should do as a mom who followed Jesus, beyond an egg hunt.
Resurrection rolls? Palm leaf crafts?
I share a bit about my reweaving (or deconstruction) journey on my social media. How within the last few years, I went from struggling to open the pages of scripture, pushing away the voices of fallen pastors who unpacked some of the passages I read, to then picking up the First Nations Version: An Indigenous Translation of the New Testament, meeting with a mentor turned dear friend who met me where I was at, didn’t condemn or try to speed up my journey, allowing her prayers and encouragement to see Jesus, even strain to see it, that grounded me. I’ve found a new sense of freedom in being able to bring my questions, my doubts, and my uncertainties to Jesus, knowing he welcomes it and doesn’t condemn it.
I’ve found a new sense of freedom in being able to bring my questions, my doubts, and my uncertainties to Jesus, knowing he welcomes it and doesn’t condemn it.
While walking with Jesus looks different than it did my whole life, it’s more raw, more real. Even still, there was the question of how do I bring this journey to my children now, without screwing up my kids? Without them carrying some of the same baggage I’m trying to release?
If Dr. Becky is the millennial parenting guide,
might be my millennial parent faith journey guide. In her book, Woven: Nurturing a Faith Your Kid Doesn't Have to Heal From, Miller writes “my goal as a parent when it comes to faith is to offer my child time, space, and experiences to help them get to know who God really is. My hope is for my child to discover that because of who God is, God can be trusted.”
I ended up grabbing a Easter devotional she offers online and this was the first Easter where I found myself fiddling through some of these stories, at their level, and hearing,
“Can we do that again?”
“Why did they have dirty feet?”
“Can we hear ‘Sad Day, Happy Day’?
Was this an Easter miracle? I’m learning to give myself grace, letting them take the lead as I simplify these stories because I’m trying to meet them where they’re at and not where someone else is telling me they need to be.
If my goal is to just show my children Jesus, then I’m just here for the journey, just like others have been there for me.
My oldest is now reading anywhere and everywhere she can throughout the day. A few months ago, I caught her reading some of the verses I placed on sticky notes in my office. It wasn’t until I saw her eyes open wide when I showed her how she can read out of a real Bible that I saw her experiencing God in a new way.
We got her a “big kid Bible,” and the girl just wants to go over the verses on my sticky notes and the ones we’ve talked about through our Easter journey.
She’s doing her own lectio divina without even trying.
“The Lord is my shepherd. I have what I need.”
Watching my daughter connect with God in the scriptures, acknowledging who God is through prayer, has ministered to me in ways I can’t even articulate.
This Easter mattered, because of what I know and what I don’t know. Because of how in the darkness of a tomb, a stone was rolled away, and Jesus showed his disciples he was alive. And now, in the darkness of a pit of despair and confusion, Jesus resurrected me.
This might be the most meaningful Easter in my journey with Jesus yet.
Our pastor shared on Sunday that some of us may be saying, “Jesus has died, and I don’t totally know what that means. Don’t let that get in the way of what you do know.“
I know of His presence, His goodness, His tender care of all the wounds from within the walls of a church, and there is much more to know.
Jesus meets me, is meeting my daughter, and continues to open my eyes and heart to the vastness of this Resurrected King.
Dear Little Brown Girl,
May you bring it all to him.
All the feels.
All the questions, doubts, and wonder.
He can take it and he wants to walk with you in it.
May you know the safety he brings and the relentless love he has for you.
Some News
Since I last posted, this cohort launched! I’ve met with 12 other people, across North America in this collective and it’s been a blast. Through this cohort, I’ll learn from other voices, journey through spiritual formation, and even get to work on some writing that will be published. I’m excited for what God will do through it.
An Ask..
As someone who reads and follows my work, I want to see if you would consider partnering with me financially to help with the investment in this cohort. The total amount is $980 or $140 per month, but any little bit will help.
You can help me fund this amount by either sending something through Venmo, Paypal, or doing a paid subscription to my Substack where I’ll take any amount and put it directly toward this collective.
Beautiful writing!